weather or not

depends on whether you text me or not.

this is one of the things that clues me in to how compromised i am: every time you text me first, i feel like the sun has come out and there's a cool breeze, even if the day is 109° and overcast.

that is SO SAPPY i can't believe it's coming from my own mind. or heart. whatever. the point is, i'm in way over my head here, to the point where i don't even realize it without looking at the clues. even then it's difficult to believe. i mean i'm already planning how to tell you my feelings, when i haven't even seen any divorce papers yet. something is very wrong with me.

i think i'm beginning to realize that, for this and other reasons, i can never show you this blog... even if things turn out the way my heart hopes they do.

that's depressing.