#discipline

i hate the way i feel, and the situation i'm in. i miss you and the next several hours will be some of the worst of my week.

Valerie told me last night that she couldn't stop thinking about me. there's a longer story behind that but i have to leave for work soon, so i'll tell it later. the point is that i can stop thinking about her, and furthermore i must decide to do so regularly in order to avoid needlessly hurting myself. i have enough pain without thinking consciously about my marriage.

that thinking time should be set aside for situations where i can improve it somehow. this is contrary to my nature but i must set those sharp-edged puzzles aside for a time.

i have yet to find a way to truly conquer my morning depression, but i suspect i will be thinking of you in an attempt to at least dull the experience somewhat. i miss you again.

also on my mind today (and many others) is this PQ for me: could discipline (routine, health, rigorous self-care) be a weapon in my emotional battles?