a post of substance!!

i feel i've hit a milestone of some kind.

i have re-read some of our Facebook message conversations, and realized that there's quite a bit unsaid... on both sides. this whole time i've been thinking i'm the one holding back, restraining myself, and perhaps that is true now. but i have unanswered questions, friend, and you are the only one who knows.

this blog has been about desperate longings, and i felt slightly ashamed to have them and to be spilling them so dramatically... and so i am now quite taken aback as i discover that i've left one longing unturned. i long to know what needs i was meeting when you withdrew from me, and whether that situation was entirely bad for you or not.

if things had been different... if i hadn't been married... would we have abandoned our friendship? would you have withdrawn enough to make me frustrated and angry?

this is foolish. i can't possibly list all the questions i am feeling; i haven't process enough. realization and complete analysis are two different things. i will let it stew for now.

but know that we have unfinished business, Hypothetica. and if there is even the slightest chance of finishing it, i will do so., even if it means saying goodbye forever and completely. i care about you a great deal, and will do what is necessary for your life to be what it should, insofar as that depends on my choices as someone close to you.

DTR. eff.