[sh]it comes and goes in waves

i am in it so deep.

when will i be free from this mess? i miss you more than i've ever missed anything except Jesus (that is NOT a joke; i have painfully missed human-Jesus many times). you're the person i should be avoiding, unfriending, blocking, ignoring.

but it burns like a mother, and EFF does it hurt to have so many unanswered questions in this area. and it hurts to be separated from you. even if i weren't romantically invested in you at all, i would hate being separated from you, because YOU'RE ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I'VE EVER HAD AND I HATE THAT THAT IS RUINED.