day 15

i find this peaceful not only in the world's day and age, but in mine. in fact this might be the most peaceful moment i've had since 6-20.

it's not just your post; it's been that kind of evening. a late nap and twilight and more re-reading of journals and re-remembering of who i am.

to the tune of a soundtrack from one of my fav movies, i read your post and-- actually, it's funny because i check tumblr eighty times a day anticipating new things from you, but this time i was just reloading the page out of internet-surfing-habit (right after posting myself), and there it was: a reminder that i really am as foolish and prone to wander (in this chapter) as i feared i was. well, maybe not anymore; i mean, i'm turning pages. but for awhile there it was pretty bad. i actually had to have an impromptu conversation with Jerad about it between services this last Sundee.

i am so relieved. if there were ever a person you shouldn't... not that you would, or even could. but if you could, and if you would, you shouldn't.

i guess relief isn't the only feeling. but it's dominant, which i'll take as a sign that i really am turning pages.

#bookmarks