i'm in considerable pain. just a few days ago i was relieved and loving life, almost enjoying the feeling of floating through complete uncertainty. now i just hate where i am, and every moment not spent focusing on some external task is spent thinking of you.
can a person rightfully pray for their own will if they know it conflicts with God's? can a person rightfully ask that a cup be taken from them if they have already been told to drink?
i desperately want to find both health and happiness in a life lived with you nearby. i can think of nothing more pleasant, nothing more relationally fulfilling. God guide me if i am leading myself astray. God strike me and turn me to a different road if this one ends in wrongdoing. if He does not, i may be dooming myself and others.
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