worship

your relationship with God is important to me tonight because your worship, and your public display of it, helped me see that you will be fine without me. i always said that but my heart always convinced me to ignore it, or perhaps even to believe otherwise.

that's why i asked you months ago whether you were receiving what you needed from people. and you gave some high percentage. well, i think that number will remain largely unchanged; or if not, then it will recover quickly. you have other friends who will take care of you. you have roommates who pray for you, right there in your apartment, out loud. you have Jerad and Heather and your brother Ryan and your difficult friend Alyssa. you have your mom, sisters, and a dad who genuinely cares about you, which is a big deal. you have Pastor Cameron.

also you have crushes. and lots of superb opportunities (not all of which you have yet met) to be romantically fulfilled someday. i am starting to feel like i might actually be truly happy when that occurs. i will possibly also be crushed and pouty for a year or two; but i can be those and happy simultaneously.

fuck.

shit.

i care about you a lot. i think i will keep praying for you, unless i am convicted not to.