i'm crying. good. i had better fucking cry, because i was not exaggerating. i am not over-reacting. it's stupid to give up on something so good, so fucking good. it's stupid to invest less in a relationship (see how i'm following my advice to you?) that brings you to life. it's stupid to abandon someone who loves you, and is good at it.
it's stupid to find someone with whom you share a dozen things in common, some of them the most important things in your life... and then ditch that. it's stupid to say to a beautiful girl who [at least once, and maybe more than once] daydreamed about building a life with you, "goodbye."
as far as non-sinful things go, it's about the stupidest thing i will have ever done. just like how, in the realm of non-spiritual & non-inherited treasures, i've never valued anything or anyone more.
fuck everything. i hate being a grown up. can we please just say everything we haven't said yet and then emotionally unfold and then get close enough to taste each other's thoughts and hear each other's silent prayers? can we please just get that over with so that i don't feel like i'm quoting tumblr on what's supposed to be a productive private blog?
i should never have talked to you about being less friendy with you. i should have simply done it and never invited any discussion about it. i should have faded out slowly, the way i did with other people in high-school. i should have not thought so highly of myself that i would consider myself needed by you.
i've been far more foolish than i thought, which is saying quite a bit.
God, please help me act in cruel and terrible and reasonable wisdom.
amen
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