confidant

part of me is in disbelief that i bared my heart to you so fully just now. i'm sure you had no idea i was thinking of you the whole time, but of course that made it more of a rush. it just worked out: it fit the topic, and i wanted so badly to say it. perhaps Jerad suspected, but whatever.

i now understand the origin (or at least, what i hope to be the origin) of the term "secret admirer." i used to think it meant shy crush. now i interpret it literally: one who admires in secret.

thing is, it isn't secret, cause i just told you that i admire you. to your face. in front of a mutual friend. but it's still secret because you have no idea that the admiration goes deeper, nor do you detect the notes of romance. at least i don't think you do.

whatever may pass, thank you for being a trustworthy confidant... for listening to me talk a lot. for really hearing and understanding me, and for responding with valuable words and genuine interest. thank you for valuing me as much as you do (in the way you treat me). it has made a difference.

by the way, i hope you don't feel like you didn't do anything to help me through a hard time. i think i said this in a previous post, but i'll say it again, and expand a tiny: you have helped me. you don't know it, at least not fully, but you did so nonetheless. knowing you care helps, knowing you would have done whatever you could helps, and having someone to talk to helps. having someone close to my age, who is female, who is Christlike, helps.

may God bless your you-time, dear friend, dear confidant. your hypothetical you is an excellent listener. (as the real you is.)

i fervently hope for an opportunity to impress the meaning and depth of these words (all of them, the whole blog) upon your mind and heart. sooner rather than later, if God wills it.